Wow. Just taken back by an old blog on Facebook that I just had to share when Suki turned 3 months!!

With such light we arrive!

The first 3 months of a baby’s life …. are in some traditions referred to as the 4th trimester in pregnancy. In a few days Suki and I will be leaving this delicate and watery realm as she turns 3 months old. I’m still so blissed out at having this sweet human life transcend me into motherhood. And so eternally grateful. Every day I’m in wonderment at her and more in love with her. How blessed we have been. Many people have made a huge difference to me during this 3 month journey. I know I can knock modern healthcare professionals, but the staff at the hospital were mainly amazing. One doctor, Kate, showed such care towards me as I was given a blood transfusion, and countless midwives who took care of me were just awesome. I can’t remember hardly any of their names now because of the other realm I was in at the time! Amy, taking me to hospital, being with me through the journey of Suki arriving and being SUCH a support in countless ways… And since then, so many sweet friends dropping by food, doing washing up for me, giving me massages, generous gifts, being with me and my tears in my washed out tender moments – reminding me of my ok-ness. I have tried to hold strong to keeping this 3 month transit as quiet a time as I can .. and try not to castrate myself when I make mistakes or feel inadequate. In this modern world, I know many women do not give themselves the opportunity to rest and receive after birth and I wish more than anything that new mothers get to experience what I did and have support for their tenderness at hand. Rest woman, rest. Be. Listen. Feel. Open. And know you will never experience anything more touching and precious. I would have plummetted into the cold and dark postnatal depression if it hadn’t been for allowing my vulnerable voice to be heard by close friends and my fairy godmother so that the clenched anxieties, exhausted embodied emotions could be seen and released. And they are still being heard, as I continue this intense, sweet voluptuous road .. and then they are passed into the wind with each sigh. What a delicate and sacred time for a mother and her own inner child …. all the facets of woman show up to dance their stories here … as I tend to the earth beneath Suki and her beginning in this life … <3

Its been a fun and intense journey (as it can only be with Kali-Ma the dark goddess) resurrecting my chocolate baby for the world to come and delight at again.

This time around I’ve gone for a bit of a revamp! Vamp being the word as the boxes are a sexy burgundy and lots of gold trimmings on the boxes and bags too.  The boxes will contain some VERY decadent raw chocolate vegan truffles. Its about time our little island had some real bespoke raw chocolates to be eaten and savoured.  Finally. I’m a little exhausted though.  I now have a beautiful girl and a lot less time than before so its all been a bit of a whirlwind.  Interspersed with lots of Yoga Nidras and a few good friends coming to hang out with my girl, I’ve actually managed to get something done other than playing playdough and dancing around the living room with Suki chanting GOBINDAY MUKANDAY.

Not only am I a bit excited about selling my chocolates this weekend at Simply Spring, I’m also releasing an Organic Lip Butter which is just too mmmm for words.  Seriously.  Come and try my chocs and lips butter, I’ll have samples out for you all.

Chocolate Love and Kali Ma Light to you all xxx

This little being had me deep in love and overwhelm from the word go.

With her large brown all seeing eyes, I was sure she could read all my thoughts and emotions. I felt very in love and very blessed to become the unplanned and unexpected mother I’d become. Transitioning into the mumma realm wasn’t without its harsh initiations though. I immediately developed an acute sense of both our vulnerabilities, to the point that it could almost debilitate me with fears of freakish accidents and a new excrutiating empathy for all mothers and their vulnerable young.  We had a few friends stay and help out a little in the early weeks and months as I longed for more support and to feel like there was a greater nucleus that we could turn to but our modern day disease of disconnection to each other reigned in on us and many times I felt bereft and exhausted in body and mind. We were blessed with material needs and gifts of more than we needed, but I learnt early that a mummas job should never belong to just the mumma.  And my heart went out to all the single mothers out there doing their best in the most unnatural situation of being on their own in a world of so many.

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